You could, technically, throw that at me and it would most likely stick (hmmm, a bumper sticker for the new car, maybe? Better than the two naked girl silhouettes currently on there, which now I have to find a way to get off. A friend suggested a razor blade. I have yet to try this. For now I'm cool-driving around with a "baby on board" sign, an US Air Force and two naked girl bumper stickers).
Kaeden's almost baby mullet, pre-haircut
The reason I bring this up is because every post I've done that isn't directly related to Kaeden I've apologized for "getting off the mark". I started this blog as a place to record Kaeden's life and get the word out about the fact that he got his first haircut this week and looked at me and clearly said, "Momma" instead of his normal "mamadadaDAT!amamadaDAT!" constant babbling at breakfast the other day (with no witness around, of course). It's also a place where I can write a run on sentence like that and no one but my mom twitches or circles it in big red pen.
The awesome VW Bug chair Kaeden had his first haircut in
But lately I've realized I've wanted a bit more from this space-more room to just talk about "it all"-being Kaeden's mom, slowly becoming his parent; trying to find horses and fit their dirt under my nails in as much as possible and discovering endurance; struggling to become both a partner and a responsible adult who can learn the lessons she needs to without falling flat on my ass and needing to be saved all the time; the constant battle between "I really want" and "Kaeden needs" and "I can't afford it anyway, so why am I bothering to drool?"; and the occasional tired, frustrating, Tillamook Mudslide fueled late night brain craziness (tonight: Messing with my oldest friend (who is still a college student and was out until the wee hours of the night) but keeping him guessing if I am messing with him or not. I feel so much older than him, although his birthday is four days before mine (in the same year in case that didn't make a whole lot of sense, which I have been known to make very little of).
Rachael who did an awesome job on Kaeden's toddler cut, she managed it drama and tear free, a huge feat for Kaeden
Or other craziness, like how the voice inside my head (that occasionally gets let out where she can record her ramblings for later, cause she sure won't remember) can take on the "accents" of whatever I've been reading/watching lately. Right now, she sounds a little like Jenny Lawson of the Bloggess, because I just bought her book to be all supporto-girl and I discovered how amazingly awesome she is and how very little I have to complain about in my life, because even after watching pretty much every single episode of Criminal Minds, I still don't really in the here-and-now fear that the dark blotch outside is a giant bear going to eat me (read the book, you'll understand).
Modelling the new toddler hair cut
Where I run into the problem of letting the crazy, the bad decisions, the not so great but not horrible decisions, the bad days and all of it out on this page-is that 99% of the people here are family. But today, waiting for the Suzuki to be fixed, I realized that all of you, at one time or another, have seen me at my absolute worse and helped me, and Tristan and Kaeden, through all of it. My parents, of course, have been there and done that with my own special brand of Aries to the extreme crazy stubbornness. Still not sure if they've come out the other side yet. Ask them in another ten years when my mother's memory has let go of a few things. Corey never will. We lived in Vermont only long enough to drive certain people completely crazy and then ran away (really, no other word for that) and now that I'm facing the terror of finally moving out for the last time, I've reached the point of being able to say thank you and sorry....for the most part.
This is my face, 50% of the time...35% of the time I'm melting at something unbearably cute Kaeden did, and the last 50% I'm rolling my eyes or glaring at Tristan
So, we'll see how this goes. Yes Kaeden will still be here plenty, but so will everything...well most everything else. Also, my in-laws are going through a lot right now, but I rarely get updates (Hints to family: Whatever you tell Tristan, or when you have long conversations with him, only about 19% gets filtered through to the rest of us. If you tell him a big, long story about your latest travels, all I will get out of him is, "They are home now. They are tired." So if you ever have important news to share....email me directly, pretty please with whip cream/wheat grass/wildflower honey on top, because I will never pull the full story out of Tristan and I'm starved for details. )
Kaeden has recently discovered tea...he thinks it's too hot to drink mostly
Last thing: A lot of luck, more than usual, is needed this weekend. Today actually. I've set up...let me count...10 showings of rental properties, 8 on Friday and two on Saturday this weekend. I've been up since 1pm Thursday, and my appointments start at noon in Medford today, and I work til 5am and it takes my slow, stop at every rest stop to go pee and stretch self at least 4.5 hours to make that trip (I can hear my mom's friend Christine laughing at me, she can make it in three). The best/sad thing is, again Kaeden will not be going with me. I thought he was-even booked us a nicer hotel with a pool-but I'm going to be so tired, and so much in the car, that it's not fair to him, so Corey once again offered to stay home and look after him. I barely got to see him today, and this means I won't get to see him til Sunday. This is one reason why I'm so glad I work from home-at least it's not like this every week, but it will be a lot til we get settled on the south end of the state.
Now, I have a ton of paperwork for rental applications I should be filling out, so to cracking I will go!
No comments:
Post a Comment