Genetics

The older Kaeden gets, the more fun it is to pinpoint where he gets his adorableness/handsomeness/drama from. Some things are perfectly obvious, like the perfect straw thin golden hair, his skinny shoulders, or his badonkadonk (no mistaking where that butt comes from!) We are very much hoping he grows into that butt when he's older, or it will be something quite unfortunate. Since I have the same thing, I am perhaps more aware of it (though it does make long miles in the saddle not so bad!)

Whenever he doesn't get what he wants, we get instant drama. Like instant oatmeal, only vastly more entertaining/frustrating/evil, depending on how much sleep I've had that day. Sometimes, I just can't help but laugh. I know it's wrong, laughing at the poor kid, laying face down on the floor with that badonkadonk in the air, screeching at the evil Mommy lady/GT for not giving him the  *insert not-for-toddler item here, like chocolate ice cream or TV remote*. He gets really worked up sometimes, so much so that he has to scream for about five minutes before the adult realizes he's not going to calm himself down this time and goes to find one of his gazillion blankies to help bring him down out of his fit. That adult is usually me.

My mother has a more direct approach: The other day she took the hose from the kitchen sink and sprayed him in the face with it. This was after he'd been throwing a fit for about 10 minutes and was getting, if possible, louder and more high pitched. The fit stopped, but she was Evil Lady number 1 for a whole day. He was sitting in his high chair the next morning, sleepily perusing his banana and pb and j toast when my mom came in to kiss him good morning and he wouldn't let her kiss him. She was still  the evil lady who sprayed him in the face. He got over it later that morning, but the reason to share that story is to prove that he's got a better memory than either my mother or myself have. Score! Actually maybe not, now that I think about it. He can hold grudges, bad, and will probably remember most of what I say, also bad. But at least when I send him to fetch a glass of water (or chocolate milk, knowing me) he at least won't come back with batteries. Or floss. 

Also when he's mad or throwing a fit, he will not be made happy until he is well and done having that fit and is ready to curl up in your lap with a blankie and be told all is well with the world. If you try to do that before he is good and ready, all you get is a shrieky, wriggling demon who slams his head into your chin and rips your glasses off your face. If you time it just right, you get that little sigh that says "I'm better now" and the thumb in the mouth, blankie in one hand, patting your arm going "All good now" and your heart melts and you forget that just a minute ago your eardrums were melting from the high pitch screaming that cuteness in your lap is capable of....just because you wouldn't let him chew on the remote or throw himself on top of the 17 year old cat, who doesn't know where the hell this kid or this dog came from (I'm pretty sure that when we move in a few weeks, my mom will come home and find Butter praying to the cat god in a sudden renewal of faith, sorry for having ever doubted his existence). 

I think the fits are worse now, not just because he's older but because we have taught him the signs for "Want" "More" and now we're working on "Thank you" to add a little gratefulness to the mix. Kaeden will point at something, and the adult will go, "What? What?" and he'll make the sign for "Want" and "More" so you'll give him the cookie/random toy and all will be well for a few quiet moments. Kaeden will ask for more and the cycle repeats until you cut him off from the cookie source, or tell him he can't have whatever he's pointing at (Like I've said before, there's a lot that's "Not for crazy insanely curious toddlers!" in this house) and so he'll keep making the sign and babbling at you, until he realizes that no matter how polite he's being, he's not going to get the object of his desire. That's when the drama starts. 

I know exactly where the drama comes from: BOTH of us. Both Tristan and I take something very simple-say, the dishes or what car I take to go grocery shopping-and blow it way out of proportion. Perspective is not our specialty. So at least Kaeden comes by it honestly. But whereas I can get over things/forget things and move on fairly quickly, Tristan...has a better memory than I. We'll have a snit about something in the morning, I'll go to bed after work while he stays up and feeds Kaeden and plays with him and we won't see each other until I'm getting ready for work that evening. I'll have forgotten the snit entirely until Tristan comes home and I greet him and he's all, "I don't like you right now, you didn't put the laundry away" (What is this obsession about putting clothes in drawers?) and I will have, most of the time, zero clue as to why he's mad. I'm thinking about asking him to write down on a white board why he's mad, so I can walk by it when I'm *of course doing something I'd said I would do* and go, "Oh yeah, that's why he'll be mad when he gets home" and I can take steps to make him unmad. I'm sure this will be foolproof, except for the fact that he's just like Kaeden in the whole "I'm going to be mad until I decide to get over it" thing. My attempts to cheer Tristan up go one of two ways: Either he gradually smiles and gets over it and then we start wrestling and tickling each other until Roofus starts to bark at us and Kaeden comes to join us, or Tristan scowls at me and buries himself in his computer and his schoolwork. 

Also, for a almost 16-month old, Kaeden is brilliant. I say this because in relation to Tristan and myself, he's already smarter than us. A few months ago he could easily manipulate the both of us, until my parents pointed that out and we've mostly cleared that up now. He's a master at "Try the other adult in the house." If one adult says "No you can't have that" he'll scream at them then wander over to the next nearest adult and demand something of them in the cutest way possible, all the while not looking at the first adult. Tristan and I have mostly caught on to this, so when Kaeden doesn't get what he wants from the second adult (usually Tristan) he'll move into full blown fit mode and we'll plant him next to the front door in his nominal "time out" corner. He can have as much of a fit as he wants, he just can't scream at us. He can scream at the door and see how much it cares (it doesn't). 

Those are the moments that I wonder if I'm doing this parenting thing right, or if there's more I could be doing to stave off those fits. The answer is, I could be. Kaeden is not a kid that is happy left to his own devices for long. At our worst, I just sit in the chair and watch Kaeden play; Tristan tries to put him down for naps which Kaeden has no interest in. Kaeden's one of those kids who needs to be kept busy every moment he's awake. He hates staying in the house all day. Even just going outside to the front yard with the dog thrills him. He loves going  places; grocery shopping, walks to the dog park, anywhere that's out really. For my part I've been trying to get in at least one 2 mile walk each day and some play time at a local park, along with being in an excellent daycare program twice a week to give us all a bit of a break. I have noticed that he's happier and more ready to go to bed at bedtime, instead of fighting naps and the bedtime routine.

 What I really have to work on is  playing with him and his toys, not just watching him play. If I just watch him eventually he'll got bored and start playing with not for toddler things such as remotes, dog leashes, and wires, which then he gets yelled at for touching, which then causes him to throw a fit that must be dealt with. All that could be avoided if I just kept playing with him and interesting him in his toys so I'd not have to yell at him in the first place. Corey is really the best at getting down and playing with him. I'm pretty good with this at bath time, at least. Bath time is so much fun with him. Some bubbles, a tub half full of body temperature water, fully nekkid with some toys and he's a happy toddler.

The downside to daycare, other than the cost, is the germs. I didn't realize how lucky we were that in one year, Kaeden was only sick and running a fever once. Just once. Other than that and some spit up problems we solved by switching formulas, he was pretty damn healthy. He's been in daycare a little over a month now, and he's brought home a rash, and spiked three fevers of higher than 102. We can bring the fever back down within a day, and I recently got his rash looked at, only to be told by a faintly condescending doctor that "It'll go away soon, what did you expect with him in daycare?" Sorry for asking you to put those years of medical school to use on, oh yeah, doing your job maybe?

Anyway. Moving on. Where was I before I started in about the sucky doctor? Yes. Sick kid. When Kaeden is sick he's still adorable, but in an utterly pathetic kind of way. He doesn't want to play, or go outside, or do much of anything that does not include curling up on your lap with his blankie and sucking this thumb and having you massage his back. This is awesome, except the pathetic sick kid part. 

My favorite part of any day with Kaeden is his early morning, just picked up from bed cuddle. He's usually a pretty happy kid in the mornings, which is the complete opposite of Tristan. I can be awake and functional in the mornings when I need to, cheery sometimes. Not so much Tristan, who considers each and every morning a personal affront to his person. 

So there we are. A not morning, holding grudges and flipping out over the little things Tristan; a forgetful, avoids reality, a demon without her full 8 hours of sleep per cycle me; and a flair for the dramatic, energetic, not easily entertained Kaeden. 

On the flip side, we have forgiving, helpful, hard working, strong ("He's wire-y"), and utterly handsome Tristan (yup that's mine!); a determined, I can make you laugh no matter what, occasionally checks most things off her to do list me, and the most adorable, babblingist (it's totally a word spell check!), flirtiest, happiest, beautiful toddler on the planet Kaeden. 

This weekend we are taking the plunge (together, this time) and going to look at places for rent over the holiday. We both really have hope about a lot of things, such as

a) being ready for this plunge into living on our own, including easing Kaeden through the transition to mostly only having me around for entertainment;

b) ready to actually make and keep to a budget and live as really poor people (my parents have doubts)

and c) be a family unit that can support Tristan being in school in preparation for a very hard career for the next two years. Personally I think that if we can just get Tristan through all of his prereqs, the math and reading and writing classes, and actually into the fire science programs, I think life will be much more enjoyable all around. 

Here's to hoping, ai?