I know I've been wandering a little off topic lately, the main topic of this blog is supposed to be The Squidgelet. Yesterday was one of the good days; I got up, worked a quiet four hours, then packed the car and the kid off alone for a day at the NW Horse Expo down in Albany. I had the kid to myself all day, with only a bit of help from my parents, I managed to get him up, changed and fed and out the door, care for him all day, and come home and feed him and put him to bed all by my lonesome.
Why is this worth mentioning? Because except for a brief tired meltdown in the car on the ride home (quieted by listening to some "Polgara" on audio book) we had a great day alone. We got to see John Lyons, and I realized why he is so popular, with his way of speaking and mostly non-judgementalness and his very specific instructions, along with his ability to tell people the big picture and not take any nonsense.
I got to wander around looking at all the pretty horses-Belgian mules, Icelandics, mustangs, Black Forest Draft Horses, a whole ton of Frisians. Kaeden got a pony ride, and loved every minute of it and getting to pet the pony's bushy mane. There are two reasons I gave him a pony ride: The set up was the most professional and most..comfortable for the ponies I'd ever seen, with rubber mats with sawdust to walk on, full hay bags to mow on when not working, correctly fitted tack, no bits in (the ponies were just halter led, no reason for them not to be when they are just in small square pen all day) and the ponies themselves were basically sleep walking. It's not the most exciting job, but it keeps them in feed which in this economy is becoming a rarer thing for a horse.
But the biggest thing I took out of yesterday was a sense of almost peace and assurance. I've been so angry and scared and yes, depressed again lately, that being out in the sun, surrounded by horses with my son all day was a balm. Oh yes, we finally got to see the sun again. And it was warm. There were still pockets of snow left on the ground at the expo center, but they were melting and leaving big puddles. Puddles that Kaeden quite enjoyed stomping around in when I gave him a break after 4 quiet, peaceful hours in the Ergo. Have I mentioned how much I love my Ergo?
I loved being with my son all day, packing him around, watching him play in puddles, eating lunch on the grass with him, napping with in the car, letting him pet various horses. I noticed things yesterday that I've been too deep inside my own head to realize.
I love Kaeden. For the first few days after he was born, I loved him in an abstract, of course I love him kind of way. But as he grows up and becomes more his own person, I fall even more in love with him every day.
I love the almost unbearable cuteness waves that flow off of him pretty much all the time, stunning everyone it touches-cashiers, store clerks, random passerby, his mother...although it doesn't effect the dog much. I love that, for the most part, he understands what soft hands mean and being nice petting the animals, although he does get carried away sometimes when the sugar hits. I love his early morning, I'm not really awake yet snuggles. I love his fat chubby thighs (pretty sure I know where those come from), his tiny expressive hands, his eyes that change color every day, his hair which is growing long and I don't want to cut yet, his fat chubby cheeks, his big fat chubby feet...see a pattern? I love the way he runs, sounds like a fairy Godzilla storming through the house, laughing the whole way (think about it for a minute). I love his laugh and his babbles and the way it almost sounds like he's trying to form words. Yesterday he pointed at the snow and I could have sworn he said, "What's that?" I love watching him sleep, and having him take a nap on my lap (sometimes). I love how much he enjoys bath time-which always begins with being fascinated at peeing in the tub. That always gets a laugh out of him (which I hope means that potty training will commence sometime this year!) I love watching him dance, and I love the fact that his favorite artist to listen to is Adele.
I love his random ninja attack hugs. If he wants to hug you, it doesn't matter what you are doing at that moment-chewing on a toy (Roofus), snoozing away the day (Butter), folding laundry (me), cooking dinner (my mom), eating dinner (Corey), or doing homework (Tristan), YOU WILL BE HUGGED. It will be adorable. Your heart will melt into a gabzillion pieces, even as you tell him with the next breath to not touch the TV.
I love the way he follows everyone around, constantly fascinated by whatever you are doing. I love that he's figured out how to throw toys for the Roofus to fetch. I love that he sleeps 12-14 hours a night and reliably takes at least one 2 hour nap each day. I love holding his hand and walking with him from the car to the store. I love how robustly healthy he is, aside from a few rashes and the terrible teething. For the most part, I love how agile and active he is-although that makes diaper changes far more fun and challenging than the have any right to be.
I love Kaeden Ahearn Fulford. In a completely lost, out come the cutsey mom voice, over protective and constantly off balance kind of way. I think I may be a lost cause.
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