I've decided to make up for my absence with another picture story post. The absence was of course caused by the monster plague, and recovery from the monster plague. Kaeden gave it to me, but bounced back in a day. Kaeden gave it to Corey, but she managed only three days down. Kaeden gave it to me, I was out for almost two weeks of pure, barely functioning misery. I think it helped that I had just ridden 12 wet, miserable, snowy miles and then Kaeden handed me his mild demon plague and it just took advantage of me to mutate and run amok joyfully in my lungs and throat.
For two days, I didn't have even half a brain. The mere thought-not the action, mind you, just thinking about it-of moving from the bed/couch, to the shower or the toilet, was enough to exhaust me and send me back into nap land. For three days after that I was a mobile zombie from the early, shuffling days of zombie movies. Picking Kaeden up when he demanded it was a super-human mommy effort, though he did manage to make me smile, although that used too many muscles at once so I had to put him back down.
For a week after that, all I wanted to do, all I fantasized and planned about and schemed to get, was sleep. I saw pictures of big fluffy beds with calming sea views and wondered where I could one and how much it would cost to rent it for just one 9 hour stretch. I closed my eyes and pretty much passed out for five minutes at a time on the couch; in the shower; against the counter; playing with Kaeden on the floor; and buried myself in the covers of the bed, hoping everyone would forget I existed for just one good stretch of 8 hours, give another hour or so.
Since I am still dreaming and scheming about this, you can surmise it didn't happen. Also I still cough a lot and can feel the plague in my chest, though thankfully downgraded from monster to just annoying.
Enough whining. Today's story is brought to you by two of my friends beautiful, healthy, shiny newborns, Jennifer LaFlam's son Aiden Hawley Gibbud (she is the keeper of one of the Big Blonde Boys, Bobby)
and my college friends Hannah McHardy and Andy Szymczak's son, Oliver Casimir Szymczak.
(Do you see a trend? Boys, everywhere. Boys, I knew I was going to be surrounded by boys!)
Seeing all their shiny newborn pictures throws me right back to a year ago when Kaeden was that shiny and new. I watch him now running around ninja hugging Roofus, my leg, Butter, Tristan's leg, his G's and of course his own mommy-type person (he's discovered hugging and he has discovered that he loves hugs), and watching him ask nicely that he wants something (yeah for sing language and smart toddlers!) and eating, but not everything in sight anymore thankfully...I remember those shiny new days.
Not always fondly-I chiefly remember terror, pretty much 24/7, the utter and complete awkwardness I never got over with breastfeeding, the unending embarrassment and depression that I felt over entering this new world and not knowing anything.
But I also remembering being content to hold Kaeden all day, and marveling all the time over how perfect and tiny he was, and the wonder of watching Tristan and how amazing he was with Kaeden, and beautifully Kaeden came into the world. I remember wanting to protect him from everything, and blushing every time someone exclaimed over how perfect a baby he was.
This was one of the peaceful moments.
My parents used their yearly vacation and savings to rent a little Vermont cabin in the woods and come stay for two weeks, and by luck they arrived a few days after Kaeden was born. We pretty much moved in with them for those two weeks, for at that time we were planning on staying in Vermont and didn't know when they would get a chance to see their grandson again. Because of the new baby and Corey's notorious love affair with all things winter and it being the middle of February in Vermont, the cabin was kept at a well heated 68-71 degrees most of the time, which was a wonderful change. We were able to wonder around in onsies and t-shirts and not freeze parts off or have to huddle under blankets the whole time. We played a lot of cards, watched a lot of movies or shows, took a lot of pictures, were showered liberally with gifts and advice and care and help, and were guided on the path to parenthood.
My parents took us well in hand and helped us form a three month plan, get our taxes in and our bills figured out and of course took us shopping. So much shopping. I think it was a day after my parents arrived we hit six stores with Kaeden in tow, first and foremost Costco. We settled Kaeden in a basket in the cart (this was way before I found and fell in love with my Ergo) and I remember again being completely unsure (who took a week old baby to Costco?) and still a bit out of it, wandering around after my parents now that I was a parent under all the bright lights with all the people. Kaeden slept through it all. I remember hiding in the rental Jeep while everyone else hit Toys-R-Us, trying to feed and change and calm Kaeden when he got fussy because the thought of trying to whip out a breast in public was mortifying. We eventually got back to the cabin and settled inside after dinner, which I think is when this picture was taken (or maybe later. It was sometime in those two weeks though).
I have this love (read: obsession) of trying to take pictures of Kaeden and Tristan together. Tristan doesn't let himself get caught in many, which is why this is one of my favorite photos. Can you see that big ol' grin on Tristan's face, because Kaeden is sleeping on him (and don't forget those giant knockers right above his head!) That was also Kaeden's expression for his first two months of life: whaaat? What? (yes, even in sleep he was questioning the change from jungle gym womb to THE WORLD).
This was also one of the calmest periods of those early months for me. At that moment, I wasn't stressed or scared or uncertain or anything but mildly buzzed with exhaustion. No one was expecting anything of me in that moment but sitting there with my boys and looking dazed. Although a few minutes later my mother may have mentioned something about cleaning up the dirty dishes, or Corey asked Tristan a question about his taxes.
My desktop often graces this picture, because it takes me back to those two weeks where although I had no clue what I was doing, I was actively falling in love and was utterly supported and still riding the high of Kaeden's birth. Also it's just so darned cute, which seems to be a theme with this kid.
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