This blog was inspired by all the furor created by a few anti-co-sleeping ads that are currently running in Milwaukee. Also I've wanted to do a post like this for awhile, but never quite got up the gumption. But today is a decent day, so here goes.
The Squidgelet has never been afraid of a little controversy. It started in the womb. His mother's midwives said don't lift heavy stuff (like 70 pound hay bales or 50 pound horse harness) past 32 weeks. So instead she dragged the bales through the snow and didn't mention harnessing the horses. Then his mother rode a horse at 38 weeks pregnant, maybe it was 39...it all starts to get fuzzy about then.
Kaeden was born at home. Here's my post all about that particular subject, read if you need a few beautiful but intense moments out from your workday/otherwise crazy life. Home birth is a high contested thing these days, from all the reading I've done. It is in the news quite a bit, but still far from the norm. I did have Kaeden in Vermont, though, which is far more open to those sorts of things, seeing as how midwives & home births are not against the law outright as they are in some states.
Still, plenty of my friends & family thought I was nuts. Give birth for the first time far outside of town on a back country gravel road, easily 20 minutes from the nearest hospital and 40 minutes from the nearest hospital with an NI-CU unit? In the middle of a very bad Vermont winter?
Something that I did not share with me detractors was the very real and very scary fact that if something went wrong, Kaeden & I would be split up. The plan was that we would travel by ambulance to nearby Porter Hospital in Middlebury, but if something was wrong with Kaeden he would be sent to the UVM Fletcher Allen Hospital in Burlington which has a dedicated NI-CU. The catch was that I would probably not be able to go with him if I was fine, and if I wasn't I would have to stay at Porter while he was sent to Burlington.This was almost enough to convince me to find a hospital, but for me the proven disadvantages outweighed the possibilities of a bad outcome. What really decided me was my midwives, who were not affiliated with any hospital or birth center, so if I chose a hospital I would loose them, who I loved and respected and trusted. The brings the debate to the "is the birth about the woman or about bringing a healthy baby into the world" tidbit. For me, it was both. How could I bring a healthy, happy child into the world if labor was scary, or I was bossed around or tied to a bed with a bunch of monitors, as if I was a sick, useless person?
I wasn't sick, or useless, or stupid, just a birthin' momma. I've always had incredible trust in my sometimes clumsy body, but as my mother always pointed out, I had a peasant woman body. As one of my favorite authors writes "Strong like ox, breed like cow, hitch to plow when horse dies." As it turns out, the birth happened too fast to have what I really wanted-a water birth-but it was perfect just the same, and I actually felt safer than I think I would have in a hospital. I had two high trained and experienced midwives, their assistants, my Tristan, and everyone in the house that day were all either Wilderness First Responder certified or EMTs. I was able to move as I felt like, and I was not embarrassed when I had to scream, or moan, or whimper. Kaeden was as healthy as good be, and we all survive unto this day, with the memory that Kaeden's first interaction with the world was being caught by his father and snuggled into some truly ginormous boobs.
I was only able to breastfeed for about three months, and for those three months I hated my breasts. Hated them. Couldn't stand the sight of them. But I suffered, through the first tough few days, through having to pump, through breastfeeding on an airplane, all of it, for three months. I was embarrassed by it, and until the airplane, I could not feed in public, so I usually ended up on a bathroom floor or stuck in the car. I was always uptight, I hated the leakiness, and I felt I could never leave Kaeden's side for more than a few moments because I could never pump enough for even one feeding. (Don't get me started on my hatred of the pump itself. Just don't go there). But I did it, for three months, because I did believe two critical things: That breastfeeding really is better, mainly for health reasons & the bonding with my son, and because it felt incredibly selfish not to. On some of the parenting sites I frequent, stating any of this would get me my share of supporters but far me detractors, saying I was lazy, selfish, stupid, or all three. They would hate me even more if I said that I am deeply relieved that after three months I switched to formula, because right about that time is when Kaeden's teeth first started coming in. When I remember how hard breastfeeding was, it makes me cringe to think about how much more painful it would have been to have to breastfeed a teething baby.
To make breastfeeding a bit easier, we did co-sleep sometimes. We were incredibly lucky that my grandmother bought us an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper, which for me was one of the only things that made co-sleeping possible those few months.
When Kaeden was actually in the bed with us, I didn't sleep. Even when he didn't, I woke up several times a night to check on him, convinced that because he was quiet that something was wrong. After the first few weeks, the fact that I could just reach out and touch him saved my sanity. I read all the research I had time for on SIDs and peoples opinions, and mine is such: SIDS is unexplainable. No one really knows why it happens, or what causes it. People say co-sleeping is dangerous and stupid, maybe even criminal. But SIDS gets blamed on co-sleeping a lot, which is untrue. If a baby dies in an adults bed, it could be SIDs, or it's suffocation, and suffication is explainable, ergo not SIDS. Co-sleeping only worked for us for short periods of time, because Kaeden got older and he sleeps like I do: He sprawls. He can take up a good half of our queen bed, all on his own. It's much more comfortable for him to sleep in his own space. But those first few months would have been a thousand times more difficult without the ability to have Kaeden sleep with us when we needed to.
I also cloth diaper. This is a bit less urgent than the above two topics, but people get no less fired up about it. Words like lazy, selfish, and shortsighted fly around this topic too. I chose cloth diapers for economic reasons, and because I was incredibly lucky finding some good deals (Craigslist you are my friend!) Yes I do a lot of laundry, around a load every three days, but I never have to panic that I have no diapers. They are bulky & make the car stink, so when we go out we do *gasp* use disposables, but I far prefer our cloth ones. During the summer, Kaeden could pretty much live in just a diaper, and he gets far less diaper rash when I keep up on changing him when he needs to be changed. Plus, I just think they are much cuter, especially the one Tristan hates, which is purple with white flowers on it.
All of the above topics, I read everything I could get my hands on about them. I talked to as many people as I could, which truth wasn't many but enough. I even had an Excel spread sheet of pros and cons (I did pick some things up from Corey, after all). I poured over blogs and kept up with the comments, but ultimately I did go with what I wanted. I am becoming aware of the fact that it is no longer about what I want, but rather what Kaeden needs. Hence the reason I work from home (although that is more through incredible luck than anything else) and I try to work a schedule that means Kaeden doesn't have to go to a daycare but can hang out with a small group of people he knows, and we trust, usually right at home.
I'm sure there is more, and lots more I could say about those three topics, but I have to catch up on my NaNoWriMo word count. Quickly. So, enjoy the cuteness as ever, and try to stay sane waiting for more pictures of the knock your socks off adorableness.
I wasn't sick, or useless, or stupid, just a birthin' momma. I've always had incredible trust in my sometimes clumsy body, but as my mother always pointed out, I had a peasant woman body. As one of my favorite authors writes "Strong like ox, breed like cow, hitch to plow when horse dies." As it turns out, the birth happened too fast to have what I really wanted-a water birth-but it was perfect just the same, and I actually felt safer than I think I would have in a hospital. I had two high trained and experienced midwives, their assistants, my Tristan, and everyone in the house that day were all either Wilderness First Responder certified or EMTs. I was able to move as I felt like, and I was not embarrassed when I had to scream, or moan, or whimper. Kaeden was as healthy as good be, and we all survive unto this day, with the memory that Kaeden's first interaction with the world was being caught by his father and snuggled into some truly ginormous boobs.
I was only able to breastfeed for about three months, and for those three months I hated my breasts. Hated them. Couldn't stand the sight of them. But I suffered, through the first tough few days, through having to pump, through breastfeeding on an airplane, all of it, for three months. I was embarrassed by it, and until the airplane, I could not feed in public, so I usually ended up on a bathroom floor or stuck in the car. I was always uptight, I hated the leakiness, and I felt I could never leave Kaeden's side for more than a few moments because I could never pump enough for even one feeding. (Don't get me started on my hatred of the pump itself. Just don't go there). But I did it, for three months, because I did believe two critical things: That breastfeeding really is better, mainly for health reasons & the bonding with my son, and because it felt incredibly selfish not to. On some of the parenting sites I frequent, stating any of this would get me my share of supporters but far me detractors, saying I was lazy, selfish, stupid, or all three. They would hate me even more if I said that I am deeply relieved that after three months I switched to formula, because right about that time is when Kaeden's teeth first started coming in. When I remember how hard breastfeeding was, it makes me cringe to think about how much more painful it would have been to have to breastfeed a teething baby.
To make breastfeeding a bit easier, we did co-sleep sometimes. We were incredibly lucky that my grandmother bought us an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper, which for me was one of the only things that made co-sleeping possible those few months.
When Kaeden was actually in the bed with us, I didn't sleep. Even when he didn't, I woke up several times a night to check on him, convinced that because he was quiet that something was wrong. After the first few weeks, the fact that I could just reach out and touch him saved my sanity. I read all the research I had time for on SIDs and peoples opinions, and mine is such: SIDS is unexplainable. No one really knows why it happens, or what causes it. People say co-sleeping is dangerous and stupid, maybe even criminal. But SIDS gets blamed on co-sleeping a lot, which is untrue. If a baby dies in an adults bed, it could be SIDs, or it's suffocation, and suffication is explainable, ergo not SIDS. Co-sleeping only worked for us for short periods of time, because Kaeden got older and he sleeps like I do: He sprawls. He can take up a good half of our queen bed, all on his own. It's much more comfortable for him to sleep in his own space. But those first few months would have been a thousand times more difficult without the ability to have Kaeden sleep with us when we needed to.
I also cloth diaper. This is a bit less urgent than the above two topics, but people get no less fired up about it. Words like lazy, selfish, and shortsighted fly around this topic too. I chose cloth diapers for economic reasons, and because I was incredibly lucky finding some good deals (Craigslist you are my friend!) Yes I do a lot of laundry, around a load every three days, but I never have to panic that I have no diapers. They are bulky & make the car stink, so when we go out we do *gasp* use disposables, but I far prefer our cloth ones. During the summer, Kaeden could pretty much live in just a diaper, and he gets far less diaper rash when I keep up on changing him when he needs to be changed. Plus, I just think they are much cuter, especially the one Tristan hates, which is purple with white flowers on it.
All of the above topics, I read everything I could get my hands on about them. I talked to as many people as I could, which truth wasn't many but enough. I even had an Excel spread sheet of pros and cons (I did pick some things up from Corey, after all). I poured over blogs and kept up with the comments, but ultimately I did go with what I wanted. I am becoming aware of the fact that it is no longer about what I want, but rather what Kaeden needs. Hence the reason I work from home (although that is more through incredible luck than anything else) and I try to work a schedule that means Kaeden doesn't have to go to a daycare but can hang out with a small group of people he knows, and we trust, usually right at home.
I'm sure there is more, and lots more I could say about those three topics, but I have to catch up on my NaNoWriMo word count. Quickly. So, enjoy the cuteness as ever, and try to stay sane waiting for more pictures of the knock your socks off adorableness.
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