House Rich

I am finding a certain kind of mixed joy in my new house, like unfiltered honey. It's delicious...but it looks a little weird to eat and to consider all the bees flying from flower to hive and back again.

There is the pure sweetness of having a place all to ourselves and the house itself; cute but funky, as most people describe it. To me it is full of light and easy-to-clean Pergo and so much space! So much room to organize our things just so, space for Kade to ride his Thomas train and race his Mater car around on grey days and a giant fenced backyard to roam for the warmer days (which reminds me I have to mow, and weed whack, and get sand for his sand table)...or, in a few years, perhaps a happy, derpy, handsome boxer to chase him around the yard if we're here long enough. What, a girl can dream!

Every box I unpacked reminded me of the desperate days when I was running on a hurtful stew of  heartache, fury, exhaustion, desperation, and hopelessness. But with every dish I washed and found a place for, every piece of furniture I settled in,, every shirt I hung in my big new closet came with a solid kind of satisfaction. It's joy tempered by the fact that every time I hear the heat blowing through the furnace, that's the gas bill I have to pay. Every time I throw a dirty load of clothes in the washing machine or dig through the dryer for clean clothes, I remember the power and water bill...but at the same time, I'm lucky enough to be able to do laundry in my own house, right off the kitchen, and a full walk in closet to put it away in (if not yet a real, grown up dresser, as I need to keep an eye on free Craigslist on my days off).

All the boxes are now unpacked and gone, so only the detritus of everyday life remains. Last nights clothes that haven't made it to the laundry basket, my bed frame still not put together, random toy cars and trains and stuffed animals provide a mine field on my way through the living room.  There is still quite a bit to do, including my least favorite chore, lawn maintenance. 

(My yard doesn't look like this right now. Turn your eyes away!)

However, instead of exhaustion I feel energized, happy to spend a few hours each night after a full day's work and cooking dinner (in that big old kitchen! with dishes where I want them!) learning to cook actually healthy meals, teaching myself how to can for the fun of it, chasing Kade from the backyard to the front door without pause, and coming back to this blog, yes, now that my job and my house fills me with hope and laughter.

Which reminds me...time to shower and drop Kade off at his grandparents and head to work!